A Fairytale Disaster
by SilverWolf7007
Summary: “The general consensus in the Wizarding World was that Albus Dumbledore was completely off his rocker and that anyone he managed to conscript was pretty much doomed to humiliation in front of a large crowd…”
1. The Evil Eye Twinkle

I swore to myself that I wouldn't post another fic until I had finished at least one more of my many currently in progress…but this one was just so fun to write, and I just couldn't _not _post it.

There is actually a long story behind this…and I simply can't be bothered writing it all out now. If anyone asks, I'll tell…but it's midnight and I want to get this up sometime soon. Then I shall go to bed…eventually.

* * *

**_A Fairytale Disaster_**

_Courtesy of SilverWolf7007_

_**Chapter One – The Evil Eye-Twinkle**_

The general consensus in the Wizarding World was that Albus Dumbledore was completely off his rocker and that anyone he managed to conscript was pretty much doomed to humiliation in front of a large crowd.

Sitting in Dumbledore's office between Draco Malfoy and Seamus Finnigan on a small couch, Harry Potter wasn't going to dispute that. And as he looked about the room, he was fairly sure that not a single person there would disagree with him.

On a second couch on the other side of Seamus, Dean Thomas was perched right on the edge of his seat, foot tapping nervously. Beside him was a petrified Neville Longbottom, and beside him a disapproving and nervous Minerva McGonagall.

Sirius Black was standing behind Harry's couch, drumming his fingers right behind Harry's head. Harry was having a hard time not reaching back, grabbing his Godfather's hand and snapping a few fingers.

Behind the other couch, Fred and George Weasley were standing on either side of Oliver Wood, and for once all three of them looked completely serious…and somewhat scared.

Nymphadora Tonks and Blaise Zabini were standing on opposite sides of the room, each leaning against the wall and attempting – unsuccessfully – to vanish through it.

Justin Finch-Fletchy, Hannah Abbot, and Padma and Parvati Patil were standing in the back of the room, eyeing the door hopefully. However, Dumbledore seemed to have thought that some of his 'guests' might want to leave early, and had locked the door in preparation for that eventuality.

Sitting on the ground at Harry's feet using his legs as a leaning post was Luna Lovegood. For once she was not giving someone or the room in general an absent or dreamy look, and was instead staring at the lunatic – er, Headmaster – behind the desk in front of them with an expression akin to horror on her face.

After what seemed like a lifetime of sitting around waiting, Dumbledore cleared his throat and seemed likely to speak.

"Would anyone like a lemon drop?" he asked them all, eyes twinkling in that evil way that they did.

Every person in the room treated the aged and obviously mad Headmaster with their own personalised versions of the Evil Eye.

Dumbledore seemed not to notice. "No? Oh well, I should probably be getting on with this anyway. As I am certain you all know, I have decided to present a play to the general public here at Hogwarts for Christmas. I have called you all here today because I wish you all to be in it."

Harry gulped as a chill went up his spine. This was not looking good. But because not a single other person in the room seemed inclined to speak, he decided it was up to him. "What _is_ the play, Professor?" he asked.

The old man smiled enigmatically, eyes still twinkling. "Now Harry, I cannot tell you at present, it would ruin the surprise!"

Again, Dumbledore seemed oblivious to the fear now crossing the faces of his captive audience. Harry sighed, suppressing an insane urge to grab Gryffindor's sword from its display case and run his headmaster through. Or perhaps just gouge out those annoyingly twinkling eyes.

"Now, I have chosen roles for you all to play." He held up a thick pile of papers. "Your lines and roles are highlighted in your copy of the script. I will give them out and let you read through them, before we meet tomorrow to begin rehearsing."

Harry felt terror grip him by the hand. Actually, as he realised as he looked down, that was Draco, not terror. He noticed that Seamus was shaking, and Luna seemed very tense. Sirius's fingers were managing to drum very loudly despite being tapped on fabric, and Dean's foot was bouncing rapidly. Neville was paler than parchment, and Harry could see that McGonagall's hands were clenched so tightly he was surprised that her nails weren't drawing blood from her palms.

Oliver seemed about to faint, and it was only the fact that Fred and George were each holding one of his arms that was keeping him upright. The Weasley twins themselves weren't looking much better.

Blaise was staring at the pile of scripts with a blank look on his face, while Tonks's hand was twitching at her side, as though she was yearning to draw her wand and set the pile aflame.

In the back of the room, Justin was fruitlessly prying at the door handle, while Hannah tried a few unlocking spells with similar results. Parvati and Padma just stood and stared around at everyone else, hoping against hope that they would end up with a minor, nearly non-existent part. All of the room's occupants were hoping for the same thing, though few of them were as lucky as the Patil girls.

Harry gulped again as Dumbledore passed him a script. He steeled himself before looking down at the cover. The title of the play sent more chills racing up and down his spine, as though they were using it as a two-way slide.

He glanced around at his companions in this room of torture, and noted, as they received their scripts and read the title, that their faces all reflected the same dread that he felt.

Draco still hadn't let go of his hand, and as the blond read the title of the play Harry felt his fingers being crushed just a little bit more.

As the two of them gathered up enough courage to open their script books and discover their roles, Draco released his death grip on Harry's hand. While his seatmate wasn't looking, he flexed it warily; making sure it was still working and wincing in pain.

Draco let out a whimper as he read off the names of the cast, and Harry was reminded to open his own copy.

When he did so, he regretted it immediately. As he had feared, he had been lumped with the leading role. He looked over at Draco, who glanced up and caught his gaze. They were startled from their combined horror at Sirius's rather unmanly indignant squeak as he read which character he would be playing.

Dean and Seamus were both staring open mouthed at their script books, wanting nothing more than to be anywhere else.

Dumbledore cleared his throat a second time, and was rewarded by seventeen Death Glares. Even the four up the back, who had been given small, non-speaking, once in the entire play roles, were upset by the casting of their friends…one of them in particular.

"Professor, was there any particular reason that you found it necessary to give me the role of the title character?" Harry asked icily, fingers tightening around the pages he held.

Smiling brightly and oblivious to his student's tone, Dumbledore replied. "Well Harry, I simply thought that you would perform the role admirably. The same reason I gave everyone their roles."

Sirius muttered something under his breath that no one quite caught, but Harry thought a few words sounded like 'fairy', 'stupid', 'miracle', 'dead', 'murder' 'possible accident', and 'godfather'. He was rather thankful that he had missed out on the specifics.

"All right then, I have a question," Seamus said, tone similar to Harry's. "Why _this_ play?"

"I thought about one called 'The Cowpokes of Calico', but I decided against it due to the lack of narration. This play seemed ideal." He smiled at them all. His eyes seemed to be twinkling more than usual. This had the effect of sending shivers of terror down everyone else's spines. "Well then, I believe now would be a good time for us all to go to our beds. I might also suggest that you all do a little bedtime reading in the form of the script you each hold in your hands. I expect everyone to meet me in the Great Hall after breakfast tomorrow with at least a vague idea of how the script goes and a better idea of your own lines or part."

"What about classes, Albus?" McGonagall demanded. "I have to teach, and the students need to learn."

"Not to worry, Minerva," he assured her, the twinkle seeming to grow. "Remus has agreed to fill in for you in conjunction with Severus and occasionally myself. He has also agreed to provide tutoring for the students while they are involved in the production of this play."

When no one else seemed to have anything to say, he smiled again. "Well then, those of you who do not have dorms or rooms to return to, I have had the house elves prepare several rooms up in the guest wing of the castle for you. I shall take you there now. Goodnight, everyone."

Dumbledore stood, unlocked the door and proceeded out of the room, followed by Sirius, Oliver, Tonks, Fred and George.

Justin, Hannah, Padma and Parvati left right on their heels, obviously keen to return to their dorms. McGonagall stayed just long enough to nod goodbye to the remaining students before hurrying out herself.

Blaise finally left the wall and slumped onto the couch between Seamus and Neville. "This is like a nightmare, only I can't seem to wake up."

Nodding, Dean grimaced. "If it weren't for what happened to Harry, I'd say Seamus and I had drawn the short straws."

"Maybe that's how he picked," Neville suggested glumly. "Maybe he just picked straws, or drew names out of a hat."

Seamus sighed and shook his head. "'Fraid not. I think it was all planned. I mean, sure, Dean, Blaise and me? We could all be pretty random. But Harry, Sirius and you? No way. I mean, Nev, you're the Herbology expert, and you're playing a gardener. And you see how Sirius got his role."

"I still don't get me," Luna told them. Seeing their looks, she rolled her eyes. "I don't mean it like _that_. Of course I don't understand myself, what would be the fun if I did? I just meant, why should I narrate? And for that matter, why are Harry and Draco in their roles?"

"It's a mystery of Dumbledore's brain," Harry said morosely. "Supposing he actually has one left," he added spitefully.

Draco winced in sympathy. "I hate to say it, Harry, but you really ended up with the worst role of the lot."

"I know," Harry sighed heavily. "And boy do I wish I didn't. I'd be happier with Seamus's role."

"I'd offer to swap, but not only do I not want to, but Dumbledore and that evil eye-twinkle of his probably wouldn't let us." Seamus shrugged. "We're all pretty much doomed, I'm afraid."

Harry looked back down at his script book and reread the title.

'Cinderella Rides Again'.

Yes, they were truly doomed.

* * *

Thank you for reading the beginning of something that should be fun…to write, at least. I can't give an opinion on the reading side of things…

Please review!

S. Wolf


	2. Quadruple Homicide

**A Fairytale Disaster**

_Courtesy of SilverWolf7007_

_**Chapter Two – Quadruple Homicide**_

Harry, Neville, Seamus and Dean didn't manage to return to the dorms until well past midnight, and even Hermione, Ron and Ginny had given up waiting for them.

The four of them silently made their way up the stairs, where Neville opened their door and led them inside. The sound of Ron's snoring and muttering filled their ears.

Feeling somewhat bitter that his best friend had obviously been asleep for a while and had no part in the 'Evil Play of Doom' (as they had dubbed it before leaving Dumbledore's office), Harry pulled out his wand and pointed it at him.

Realising what Harry intended to do; Dean grabbed his hand and pulled it back down. "No, Harry," he whispered.

"Why not?" Harry hissed petulantly. "It'll be funny."

Seamus rolled his eyes and took Harry's wand. "Yes, funny fun that will cause Ron to scream, shout, complain, whine…he'll wake up the whole bloody house and once they're all pissed off with us Ron will keep us awake for hours more."

Harry sighed mournfully. "All right," he allowed. "I'll annoy the crap out of him tomorrow."

Neville grinned. "That's the spirit, boyo!"

"And we'll even help you out," Dean agreed, letting go of his friend's wrist.

"We shall have fun," Seamus declared quietly, handing Harry back his wand. "And we'll gang up with Parvati against him, Lavender and Hermione, too."

Dean eyed him warily. "Are you insane, Seamus?" he asked mildly, knowing the answer.

"Of course," Seamus said with a grin. "Look, we'll be careful with 'Mione and Lav. But Ron…"

Still grinning deviously, all four boys made their ways to their beds and quickly changed before finally, thankfully, sliding into bed.

* * *

The next morning, Harry was woken up at a disgustingly early time by Ron's alarm. He looked up and treated the small round blue ball that was beeping loudly to a Death Glare. Glancing around the dorm, he saw Seamus and Neville doing the exact same thing. 

Ron muttered in his sleep and rolled away from the alarm towards the wall. Dean simply slept on.

Harry rolled his eyes and slowly pulled himself into a sitting position. "Morning Nev, Seamus. One of you poke Dean awake, would you?"

Grinning evilly, Seamus jumped out of bed, ran across the room and launched himself onto Dean.

Dean awoke with a yelp. He looked up at where his best friend was now perched on his chest and groaned. "Get off me, Finnigan," he growled.

With a laugh, Seamus climbed off the other boy's bed and moved over to Ron's. "Sorry Dean, but you slept through Ron's evil alarm of doom. Harry told me to wake you, so we can…wake him."

Sighing, Dean slid out of bed and stood beside Seamus, looking down at Ron. Neville joined them.

A few seconds later they realised that Harry wasn't with them. They all looked towards his bed, and saw him sitting on it using a pocketknife to pry the front off Ron's alarm.

Feeling their stares, he looked up, just as the front came loose. The beeping stopped. His murderous glare and twitching eye transformed into a smile in relief. "Any more time listening to that bloody beeping was going to lead me to quadruple homicide," he explained.

Looking a little nervous after Harry's explanation, Neville spoke up. "Are we going to wake Ron, then?" he asked.

The other three conscious boys in the room silently decided that the expression Harry had had for Ron's alarm had been positively sane compared to the manic gleam in his eyes now.

Had Fred and George seen him at that moment, they would have said he reminded them of Oliver planning a Quidditch match. Had Oliver seen him, he would have said that he reminded him of the twins planning a prank.

Harry was not planning. He was plotting. Hermione had once tried to explain that there was no difference. Harry had explained the difference, and even Hermione had not been able to fault his logic.

He had argued that planning something sounded like one was organising a party, while plotting sounded far more sinister. It was, he had continued, like comparing lurking, loitering and lounging. Loitering sounded like wasting time, lounging sounded like lying around relaxing, and lurking sounded like standing sinisterly in the shadows.

Ron had then pointed out that Harry tended to lurk sinisterly in the back of the library plotting sinister things. No one had disagreed.

Neville, Dean and Seamus had seen that gleam in Harry's eyes many times before.

Seamus grinned. "What are you plotting?" he asked, leaning forward eagerly.

Harry gestured for the three of them to come closer. They did so, and he explained his plan.

A few minutes of quiet evil laugher after that, they all moved closer to Ron's bed, standing around it and holding out their wands.

They conjured their weapons.

Harry held up his left hand, fingers up. One dropped. A second followed.

A third.

The boys looked between Ron and the five balloons hovering above his bed.

The fourth.

Dean carefully flicked his wand and removed the blankets from Ron. The redhead was a heavy sleeper, and continued to snore, sprawled on his back.

The fifth.

Four balloons dropped, and the boys jumped backwards and threw themselves to the floor to avoid being splashed.

With a shriek, Ron shot to his feet and leaped away from his bed.

Harry, Dean, Seamus and Neville stood up, smirking, to admire their handiwork.

Ron looked at the four of them, glaring. The effect of this was ruined by the piece of Harry's green balloon that was stuck just above his left eye.

He was no longer a redhead. Harry's balloon, which had been positioned above his head, had been filled with green dye. Seamus's had been on his left side, and had turned his arm magenta, as well as splashing some onto his mostly green face. Dean's was orange, colouring his right arm and also splashing a small amount onto his face. Neville's balloon, which had been over Ron's legs and feet, had been dark blue.

Happily, Harry popped the fifth balloon, covering them all in red glitter.

Seamus eyed him. "You weren't supposed to get _us_, Har."

He shrugged sheepishly. "Oops?"

* * *

Once all five boys were dressed, they headed to the Great Hall, Dean grabbing the four scripts on the way out. 

They caught up to Hermione, Parvati and Lavender in the Entrance Hall. The three girls smiled and greeted the boys…until they saw the still glowering Ron trying to hide behind them all. Their jaws dropped.

While Lavender and Parvati were still staring, Hermione whirled on Harry, who was trying to look innocent and thusly looking very guilty. "What did you do?" she demanded angrily, obviously not enjoying her boyfriend's colourful new look.

He gave her a mournful look. "I'm so sorry, Hermione, we woke up and he was just like this. We tried to help him, I swear, but it simply didn't work…"

She glared. "Harry," she said warningly.

Sighing, he gave in and grinned triumphantly. "I'm afraid, Miss Granger, that we, that is, Ron's dorm mates, were highly offended when we arrived back and realised that not only had Ron got at least two or three more hours of sleep than we would, he had also escaped Dumbledore's drafting. We found that we simply couldn't control ourselves in the circumstances."

"I can't work under these conditions!" Seamus shrieked suddenly.

Harry eyed him warily. "Take it easy, Finnigan, it'll creep up on you like that."

"What will?" Lavender asked, finally tearing her gaze away from Ron.

"Harry's insanity, of course," Neville told her, giving her a look that suggested it was common knowledge (it was, but only to Harry, his dorm mates, and for some reason, Blaise, Draco and Luna).

"Harry is insane?" Parvati questioned, voice somewhat faint.

"Indeed I am," Harry replied. "What rock have you been living under?"

Hermione cleared her throat, and the other seven all looked at her. She sighed. "Let's go eat breakfast, shall we? Then we have class."

They entered the Great Hall and sat down as they thought on Hermione's sentence.

As one, Harry, Dean, Neville, Seamus and Parvati groaned.

Ron raised his alternately magenta and orange eyebrows. "What? Suddenly realise we have Potions after breakfast?"

The five of them suddenly looked more cheerful, then Harry groaned again. "Good luck with that," he told his best friend. Ron's confused look prompted him to continue. "We five have the _privilege _of staying here after breakfast to begin rehearsing for this spawn of evil play."

"Lucky for you, Malfoy and Zabini are as well," Neville added. "Snape will probably be pissed to have lost his best students, aside from 'Mione, that is. But on the plus side again, he's probably thrilled that Harry and I wont be there."

Hermione seemed torn between sympathy for her friends and joy at the thought of a smaller potions class and Snape in a (relatively) good mood. "Well, it can't be that bad, can it?" she tried.

Silently, Harry took his script from Dean and held it so she could see the title. He then opened it to the list of cast, where he had penned in the names of who would be playing which part.

Her jaw dropped in horror. "Oh dear," she sighed sadly. "There really isn't any way for this to seem better, is there? Not to mention no way it could get wor – rmph!" She glared at Seamus, who had placed his hand over her mouth and was shaking his head frantically. She looked further and saw the panic in Harry, Dean and Neville's eyes. "Mrph?" she asked.

They blinked incomprehensively. She rolled her eyes and gestured to Seamus's hand. He smiled sheepishly and moved it away. "What?" she repeated indignantly.

"Don't say it," Dean advised her. "If you say it, then some way for it to get worse _will_ happen."

"What were you thinking?" Neville demanded.

She looked at them with wide eyes. "I don't think its just Seamus contracting this insanity of Harry's. I think that it's your entire dorm, but somehow Ron has an immunity."

Ron gave her a relieved look. "Thanks 'Mione."

She shrugged, and then finally noticed what the time was. "We have to go!" she exclaimed in shock. "Potions will start in a few minutes!" Glancing around the hall, she noticed it was nearly empty. "How did I not notice that?"

Looking equally as panicked, Ron and Lavender grabbed their bags and stood up. The three of them looked down at their five friends sympathetically. "Good luck," Hermione told them. Lavender nodded.

"You'll probably need it," Ron said dryly.

The three of them left.

Once they had left, Blaise, Draco and Luna joined them from their own tables. They were quickly followed by Justin, Hannah and Padma, who sat with Parvati a few seats down the table.

"I have decided that I shall commit that homicide after all," Harry announced to the world in general.

Seamus gulped. "The, uh, quadruple homicide?" he asked nervously. "Well, triple homicide, now Ron's gone."

Harry glared at him in irritation. "Of course not, you idiot. Why would I kill my friends?" He sighed. "I merely meant homicide in general, and I was referring to the Headmaster. And perhaps I will make it quadruple homicide, and add Fudge, Voldemort and Remus to that list."

"What did Moony ever do to you?" Sirius demanded as he walked up behind them.

"Nothing," Harry said with a shrug. "But he escaped the play. Maybe I should say Snape instead, because I actually like Moony, on a good day."

"You have good days?" Blaise asked in surprise.

Dean snorted. "For Harry, this _is _a good day."

"We don't mean as in, a good _day_," Seamus tried to explain to the confused Slytherins, Ravenclaw and godfather. "We just mean a day where Harry isn't physically trying to kill people."

Suddenly understanding, Draco nodded. "I always have to hold him down in his seat in Potions," he revealed. "I just thought the dungeons drove him homicidal."

"Nope, it comes naturally," Harry said cheerfully.

Before they could delve any further into the mind of Harry Potter (and thusly join him in insanity), Dumbledore arrived with the rest of his victims – er, cast. They quickly joined them at the Gryffindor Table, and Dumbledore conjured himself a chair at the head of the table.

"So," he began genially, eyes twinkling. "Has everyone had a read of their script?"

There was silence, and a few people shook their heads.

Dumbledore looked a little sad, but his eyes kept the twinkle.

Harry was having the urge to start throwing cutlery, but right then it all vanished, as though the house elves had heard his thoughts.

"Oh well. We shall just have to start from a little further behind than I expected." They all eyed him warily. "Please begin by silently reading the script."

Silently, the entire cast of 'Cinderella Rides Again' complied.

There were several indignant mutters, a few growls, and a whimper or two. Parvati, Padma, Hannah and Justin sighed in relief.

Once he was at the end, Harry sighed in relief himself, hearing Draco do the same beside him. No, there were no onstage kisses.

When Dumbledore realised that everyone had finished their reading, he smiled at them all. "Now, does anyone have any questions?"

Slowly, Harry nodded. "Yes. If I wanted to insert a line, or say something a little differently…could I do that?"

Dumbledore's twinkle seemed to grow. "Of course, Harry! Just don't completely change the storyline, and try to stick to what's in the script." He smiled brightly. "After all, I had to adjust things to make more sense to your audience. It was a Muggle play, and I reworked things to sound more wizardly."

"Hence Buckbeak, Quidditch, broomsticks, and other such things?" Oliver asked.

"Exactly, dear boy!" Dumbledore looked delighted, and Harry was somewhat worried that the Twinkle was going to escape and take on it's own destructive lifestyle. "Now, I think we should move on to a read-through of the script, don't you?"

He received some vague shrugs and took them as a resounding yes. He conjured a circle of chairs in the space between the Staff Table and the House Tables.

"Now, Luna, our dear Narrator, why don't you sit over here. Harry, as Cinderella, can sit at your left. Draco, you're Prince Moth, so perhaps you should take the seat on Luna's other side. Ugly Stepsisters?"

Seamus and Dean glared.

"Come and sit on Harry's side."

They stood up walked over. Seamus dropped into the chair next to Harry, and Dean sat next to him.

"This sucks. This really, really sucks," said Sirius as he sat on Dean's other side. "Why did I end up as a Fairy Godfather?"

Trying his hardest not to collapse to the floor in laughter, Harry shrugged. "Maybe because you're my real Godfather?"

Sirius glared at his logic as the seats around them filled. Because they had no speaking roles, Justin, Parvati, Padma and Hannah were still sitting at the Gryffindor Table, waiting for the reading to begin.

"Why don't we get started?" Dumbledore suggested, Twinkle twinkling.

With a sigh, Luna opened her script to the first page and began to read. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to a few minutes of culture. This is a love story that compares with the big ones of our time – like Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, and yes, Hagrid and Norbert. If you find yourself overcome with emotion, please use your own hanky to blow your nose…"

* * *

The Twinkle gained it's own capital letter for being so damned evil…scary, no? 

KittenRebecca – I just couldn't help myself, 'course Harry was gonna be Cindy…Thanks. And yes, Dumbledore is ASKING FOR IT.

I Love To Laugh (Hahahaha – Thanks! And hang on, I had description? Wow, yay me…description is my bad point, I tend to deteriorate into dialogue.

LoonyLoopyLisa – Yes, I finally did…you're patient for sticking with me. Really, I think Harry will make a good Cinderella, I don't see why he wont believe me…Well, I'll update this one, and I'm trying to update the rest, and since its summer hols I should be able to do quite a bit.

ReginaLucifer – Aw, thanks! Glad you like it! And the Twinkle is evil. It must suffer. Maybe Harry can make it vanish…hm…

Black-Rose1243 – Thanks, and yep, Harry is…

m – Thanks. Your sis would want to see it? Well, I guess I can understand, as long as I'm not acting in it I'd want to see it too…

Samara Morgan-Ring – More it is then! Thanks!

bitterchoco – Well, Prince, but not Prince _Charming_ exactly…And yes, you're right about Siri. Wait no longer, here it is.

Shocked – Indeed he is.

henriette – Thank you so much! Yes, Draco's the Prince, I wouldn't have it any other way…

Sapphire Dragons – Well, I hope you love it. And with any luck, you wont choke on any more candy canes. I did that recently…not fun.

quicksilver fox – Thanks! Well, I think I continued in the same style, and there were murderous tendencies…so hopefully it was just as fun.

Thanks so much, guys. I adore getting feedback, its nice to know that someone appreciates what I write.

Please review!

S. Wolf


	3. Lunchtime, Free Glitter Included

**A Fairytale Disaster**

_Courtesy of SilverWolf7007_

_**Chapter Three – Lunchtime, Free Glitter Included**_

Once the read-through was done, every cast member looked even more reluctant than before as they rejoined the Gryffindor Table.

Dumbledore, on the other hand, looked delighted, and the Twinkle was trying to conquer his pupils. "Well done!" he exclaimed joyfully, ignoring the sixteen mutinous glares he was receiving. He was also ignoring the sinister glint in Harry's eyes that accompanied a faint smirk (this would later prove to be a dire mistake). "You all spoke your parts wonderfully! Of course, there is some improvement to be done, there always is after a first read-through."

"What are we going to do now?" Tonks asked, a hint of fear in her voice.

Not seeming to notice the trepidation of his cast, Dumbledore let his eyes Twinkle at them menacingly. "Well, first we shall join the rest of the school for lunch." There were a few sighs of relief. "Then after the meal is over, we shall discuss our costumes."

Before anyone had the chance to protest, or even squeak in terror, Dumbledore stood up and retreated to the Staff Table.

McGonagall sighed. "Well, I suppose if I go after him I can try to talk him out of it."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You really think so? Didn't you try to do that when he came up with the idea? And this morning at breakfast?"

The Deputy-Headmistress shrugged. "Yes, but perhaps this time it will work. With any luck." She stood and joined the Headmaster.

A few first and second years trickled into the room, followed by Flitwick.

Hannah stood up. "Well, I guess I'll see you all after lunch," she sighed. "C'mon Justin." He followed her over to the Hufflepuff Table.

Padma looked to Luna. "Are you coming?"

"No, I don't think so," the blonde girl replied. "I'm going to eat here."

Shrugging, Padma turned to her twin. "Parv? Care to join me?"

"Sure." They left for the Ravenclaw Table.

Harry turned to Blaise and Draco. "And you two?"

Draco grinned. "I think I'll eat here as well. Always fun to stir up trouble among the Griffs."

Laughing, Blaise nodded. "Just for that, I think I'll stick with you."

Dean turned to the twins, Oliver, Tonks and Sirius. "Are you lot leaving us, or eating with us?"

"I'm staying," Sirius answered. "It's either eat here with you guys, or eat up at the Staff Table with Remus and Snape. Those two haven't been able to keep a straight face since I was conscripted for Dumbledore's strange torture. Sadistic bastards…no wonder you and Moony get along so well, Har."

"Doesn't explain why he and Snape can't stand each other, though," Oliver added. "And I am definitely staying here. Staff Table is far too creepy, I mean, I only graduated a few years ago!"

Fred and George both nodded fervently. Tonks grinned. "I'm sticking with you guys too. McGonagall would be my only ally up there, and its just too scary."

Harry was glaring at Dumbledore, eye twitching slightly. His roommates were immediately reminded of his expression that morning when he'd been killing Ron's alarm. They gulped silently.

Noticing both Harry's expression and Seamus, Dean and Neville's nervousness, Draco and Blaise frowned.

"What's up?" the blond asked, eyebrow raised.

Quietly, out of Harry's hearing, Seamus whispered the whole story to the two Slytherins. Luna was listening as well, and when Seamus finished, she decided to distract Harry from any homicidal urgings he was having. "Hey Har, you've got glitter in your hair. Is that from what you did to Ron this morning?"

Harry grinned proudly, turning away from his aged silver-haired nemesis "Yep. Although, the guys didn't seem to appreciate it when it got us as well as Ron."

"Can't imagine why," Luna said, honestly confused.

Realising that she had a similar opinion of glitter as he himself did, he sighed. "I know, I know." Conjuring a balloon, he hovered it over her head. "Care for some?"

She nodded eagerly. Draco, having heard the entire exchange, leaned over slightly. "Me too?" he asked hopefully.

Harry smirked. "'Course, Dray, always happy to cover someone in glitter…"

Groaning, Neville, Dean and Seamus stood and moved a few seats down the table. Sirius merely moved closer as Tonks and the twins followed Harry's dorm mates.

A few seconds passed. Sirius eyed his godson. "Are you gonna pop that thing or not?"

Grinning mysteriously, Harry put his finger to his lips and shook his head, then tilted it towards the doors as he dropped his hand.

Seeing what he had seen, Sirius smirked.

A few more seconds passed, and then Harry sensed that someone was behind him. He turned around and faked his surprise. "Professor Lupin! Professor Snape! You startled me." He raised an eyebrow. "Anything I can help you with?"

Snape rolled his eyes and turned to Draco and Blaise. "What on earth are you two doing sitting here?"

The two Slytherins exchanged a glance, and then answered together. "Stirring up trouble, sir."

Remus turned from the three Slytherins and smiled at Harry. "I hear you've been conscripted by Dumbledore," he said casually. "What role are you playing?"

Harry didn't answer. Luna saw him flick his wand…and then they were all covered in green glitter. "I'd prefer not to say, Moony," he said coolly.

The two of them normally got on brilliantly, as Sirius had observed before. Remus blinked in surprise. "All right, Har." Then he blinked. "Er, Harry?"

He smiled sweetly. "Yes Moony?"

"Did you just pop a glitter-balloon?"

"Yes Moony."

"Why?"

"Because it's fun, Moony."

Remus blinked again. He grinned and conjured a second balloon, popping it and releasing silver glitter onto them all.

Snape sighed. "If you hadn't just covered me in Slytherin glitter, I would probably have to become violent right about now. I've had a bloody awful morning."

Harry also sighed. "Welcome to the club. We're not as small or exclusive as we used to be, I'm afraid, but membership is free. What happened?"

Ignoring the fact that the concerned listener he was talking to was also his most detested student, Snape sat down. "Weasley blew up three cauldrons, Granger was a know-it-all, Bulstrode, Parkinson and Brown spent the entire lesson giggling over magazines, Crabbe and Goyle blew up a cauldron each _and _messed up their note-taking…and Nott just kept _staring_ at me!"

"Well, I can explain that part," Harry told him, patting his shoulder sympathetically. "Jason Nott has a tendency to stare at people in order to creep them out. He's actually quite good at it, and he's been trying to do it to me in Potions since Halloween. I guess he substituted you because I was absent."

Blaise frowned. "Did you crack, Professor?"

"No, I did not. I think he was disappointed."

Draco grinned victoriously. "Indeed he was. I told him he wouldn't crack you in a morning lesson. He owes me ten Galleons."

Snape groaned. "Must you encourage the insanity of the less stable students, Draco?"

The blond considered the question for a minute. "You know," he replied thoughtfully. "I think I actually do."

Harry flicked his wand and a small piece of green cloth with a picture of Draco appeared at the end of it. He waved it half-heartedly.

Luna eyed him. "I like that, Har. Mind if I borrow the idea next time I want to creep Ron out?"

"Go ahead," Harry allowed, still waving his own. "As long as you have reason. I myself, as one of the aforementioned less stable students, feel the need to advocate Draco's wish to encourage myself and those like me, such as Seamus."

"What exactly is it?" Snape asked him, giving the flag a distasteful glance.

Harry grinned brightly. "A happy flag!"

Sirius blinked. "A what?"

With a laugh, Harry answered him. "It is, my dear Padfoot, a flag that one conjures when one wishes to mockingly, sarcastically, or occasionally seriously wave it when information comes to light that is either displeasing or amusing."

Snape stood up. "Well, this has been an…interesting experience, if nothing else. I am now going to return to the Staff Table where I shall comfort myself with the thought that at least I didn't get dragged into this damned play, and eat my lunch before having to deal with Hufflepuff first years."

Remus winced. "Ooh, harsh. That class…well, I don't like to speak ill of the students, but that lot? I pity you, Severus."

"Thank you," the Potions Master replied dryly. "Are you coming?"

"Yes, I think I will. Good luck after lunch, you lot. I caught a glimpse of the costumes that Dumbledore was getting ready this morning…I saw something pink, something glittery…and balloons, of all things." He shrugged in confusion. "I cant imagine why…well, see you at dinner."

The two professors walked away, and as they did, the cast caught a snippet of conversation.

"What do you think Dumbledore has the balloons for, Severus?"

"If I know him as well as I think I do, I imagine that he probably has a few cross-dressing cast members…if only we knew what the play was!"

Seamus and Dean, after having scooted closer once the glitter had been popped, shared a terrified glance with each other, then again with Sirius and Harry.

"That sounds bad," Neville said in an undertone. "Don't you think he could have, I don't know, used a spell at least?"

As one of the cross-dressing roles, Harry sighed. "I don't know which I'd have preferred."

"But of course, had he used a spell, he might have forgotten to remove it," Draco suggested. "Balloons, if nothing else, save you from the old fool's declining memory."

They contemplated this for a few minutes. But just as Draco was pulling Harry back into his seat and telling him that hexing the headmaster on the suggestion of a possibility would be frowned upon, the sixth year Potions class finally arrived in the Great Hall.

Ron, Hermione and Lavender headed towards the Gryffindor Table, but as she saw Parvati and Padma waving at her, Lavender veered off and joined them at the Ravenclaw Table.

Hermione sat down across from Harry, pulling Ron into the seat next to her. The two of them stared.

Draco, Blaise, Luna, Sirius, Tonks, Oliver, Fred and George stared back – well, mainly at Ron.

Blaise broke the silence. "My god Weasley, what happened to you? I wasn't sure I was seeing correctly this morning, and now…it's brilliant!" He turned to Harry, Seamus, Dean and Neville. "I want to learn from you, oh great ones."

"We shall see, my devoted fan, we shall see," Dean told him haughtily.

Tonks overcame her own shock enough to change her hair and eyebrows to match Ron's. "You look great, Weasley, really…though I don't know about the green skin."

Ron glared at her for a few minutes, and then finally managed to regain his voice. "Harry, what the hell are those two Slytherins doing at our table?"

Harry sighed, giving Ron a patient glare. "Now really, Ron, I'd have thought you'd recognise people eating lunch if you saw them."

"Harry," Hermione said warningly. "Please?"

He sighed. "Oh all right. But only because _you _asked nicely, Hermione. They are eating lunch." She glared, and he held up his hands. "All right, all right! Bloody hell woman, give me a break – ow! Not a literal one!" He reached down and rubbed his shin. "Blaise and Draco are here because they couldn't be bothered walking all the way across the Hall for one little meal and coming back when Dumbledore decides to torture us some more."

"And also to cause trouble," Luna added. "They seem to be doing a wonderful job, don't you think?"

Hermione seemed about to answer, then shook her head, noticing something. "Harry, why do you, Luna, Sirius, Malfoy and Zabini all have green and silver glitter on you? And you, Har, you have red as well."

"Ron, Seamus, Dean and Neville all have the red too. Snape and Moony also have the green and silver."

"Harry, that doesn't answer my question."

He smiled innocently, and as he did so a few people noticed him pull out his wand. Luckily, Hermione and Ron were not among them. "All right. Well, I popped one this morning in the dorm. And earlier, when Snape and Remus were over here, I popped the green one as well."

She frowned. "What about the silver?"

"That was Professor Lupin," Draco told her. "What's your favourite colour?"

Caught off guard, she answered. "Blue, why?"

Her answer was the balloon that popped above her head, covering her, Ron, Draco, Blaise, Seamus, Luna and Harry in blue glitter. She glared at Draco accusingly. "Was that you?"

He couldn't help but grin. "No, actually. It was your psychotic housemate."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "I have several, Malfoy, although most of them are also in my year."

"I see. Well, I meant the homicidal insane one, if that helps," he offered.

"Ow! 'Mione, quit kicking me," Harry whined, glaring at her and rubbing his shin again. "Glitter is _fun. _You need to enjoy it. I'm going to have a bruise, and I'm probably going to have to wear a _dress_! Dumbledore will come after you if I bruise, and he'll _Twinkle_ at you!"

Several of his fellow cast members shuddered.

"The Twinkle must die," Neville vowed.

"Indeed," Luna agreed whole-heartedly.

"What class do you have next?" Harry asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Harry, this is your schedule we're talking about as well."

"I've been permanently damaged by the thought of magical physical, uh, 'enhancements', and also, I think Petunia dropped me on my head as a baby."

"That would explain a lot," Ron said wisely. "But somehow I think it's this play that's done it to you."

"I agree," Draco muttered. "It's getting to us all."

"Obviously," Blaise said, shocked. "You just agreed with Weasley."

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did."

"No way!"

"Yes way."

Draco gave in. "Oh crap."

"Anyway," Hermione interrupted, before things got messy. "We have Charms, then Defence. Why did you ask?"

Harry smiled at her mischievously. "Because if you don't leave now, Flitwick will have a heart attack because you, Hermione Granger, will be late for the first time in your Hogwarts career."

She gasped and stood, grabbing her bag with one hand and Ron with the other. "Bye Harry, everyone, good luck with Dumbledore!"

Ron waved weakly as he was dragged from the Great Hall, just managing to grab his own bag.

They were the last students to leave. Seconds later they were joined by the other four students and McGonagall.

Dumbledore re-conjured his chair at the head of the table and Twinkled cheerfully at them all as he sat. "Well! Time for costumes!"

With a flourish of his wand, he summoned a large cardboard box with 'dress-ups' written on the side in purple marker. He leaned down, reached in and pulled out…a box of lemon drops.

Harry sighed, remembering something that had happened at the Burrow just that summer. He had been arguing quite happily with Fred about something, while Hermione and Ginny were telling off George for pranking them. Ron had offered him a bag of sweets, and he'd unknowingly pulled out a lemon drop and put it in his mouth. His argument was derailed as he was suddenly struck with memories of Dumbledore, and that damned twinkle of his…he hadn't been able to eat a lemon drop or sherbet lemon since. And he hadn't been able to eat chocolate much since third year…Hogwarts was ruining his enjoyment of decent junk food…

"Now, we're going to do this one at a time." He pulled out a lemon drop and popped it into his mouth. With a smile, he continued. "Each person shall stand here and allow the rest of us to make suggestions for his or her costume. Who wishes to go first?"

There was no answer, merely seventeen horrified stares.

"No volunteers? In that case…Sirius? Can you join me up here please?"

As Harry watched his godfather stand and walk over to the box, he took note of the way the Twinkle seemed to be twinkling smugly, and felt a chill race up his spine. This was not going to be fun…

* * *

In the book that my drama teacher got this play out of, it actually suggested using boys in the roles that Seamus, Dean and Sirius now fill; we had two guys play the stepsisters…and they used balloons under their dresses…

angelsword – Well, you got the roles fairly right. Glad you like it. And thanks for pointing out the whole note/story separation thing, I fixed that.

ReginaLucifer – Heh, well, Harry caught the insanity from me, nice to know its moving around the globe. Thanks, and the wait is over.

Steeple333 – Well, I figured parody because its sort of a parody of the original script, once I get around to the play.

ardent – Heh heh heh, well, pink, possibly fluffy…hm…

Kaaera – Thanks! Hm, well, you never know with those Gryffindor types, they can be rather unpredictable…

a stranger – Glad you think so. Harry, evil? Never…oh, well, maybe since I had a few words with him…

Hermione Lynn Cameron – Hey, just wait till you see the actual script…Blue is good, as is Ron, and I can vouch on behalf of my femaleness that I'm not whoever you mentioned…or didn't mention as the case may be. Well, possibly, depending on your point of view, but Harry/Draco has more humour value in this particular fic than Ginny/Draco would.

KittenRebecca – Aw, thanks. And I did, I'm evil, what can I say? Maybe I was channelling Dumbledore, cos you're right, it is rather like him.

Silverone3 – Oh, same, but don't worry, Dumbledore will get what's coming to him. No onstage kissage because there actually isn't any in the play, something that probably relieved the lead actors back in grade seven…but don't worry, backstage is another story…maybe. Heh, Siri will be in a dress of some kind, and shall help in the revolt against the Twinkle…

Sapphire Dragons – The Twinkle must Suffer. And it Shall. Thanks, don't worry, I did!

Quicksilver foxx – And that's the part I didn't write…sniff…actually it originally said Sonny and Skippy, which my drama teacher changed to Beavis and Butthead when we did it, and I changed to Hagrid and Norbert.

Thanks for reviewing, guys. I adore you all.

Please review!

S. Wolf


	4. The Costuming…

**A Fairytale Disaster **

_****Courtesy of SilverWolf7007_

_** Chapter Four – The Costuming…Or, The Chapter Full of Torture**_

Sirius eyed the box in trepidation. Oh, this was bad, this was very, very bad. He could see, in the depths of the box, very few things, but as Remus had earlier, he caught a glimpse of something pink, and there was something in there that was definitely glittering at him.

"Well! To begin, everyone, what colour should Sirius wear?"

In a movement that heralded the way the costuming was going to go, the other sixteen victims of the Twinkle immediately turned their backs on Sirius, deciding to go along with Dumbledore until their turns came along.

"Pink," Harry said decisively. He ignored the mutinous glare from his godfather and concentrated on Dumbledore's eventual fate.

At his side, Draco nodded in agreement. "Oh, absolutely, pink is the only way to go for a Fairy Godparent."

Sirius realised that he would have to protest on his own behalf. "I don't really think that – "

"And something glittery," Tonks suggested. She gave Sirius a tiny sympathetic grin, raising her magenta and orange eyebrows.

Dumbledore developed a truly maniacal grin and reached into the box, and the Twinkle reached previously unknown levels of malice. He pulled out something that was pink, glittery, fluffy, frilly, and undoubtedly the most evil and most perfect costume for Sirius that anyone could ever devise.

Everyone gaped at it in horror, attempting to imagine Sirius in it and failing.

It was a dress, in the loosest sense of the word. Long sleeved, high necked, floor length, and in a hideous shade of pink. On the back were glittery wings, trimmed in pink fluff.

Unmindful of the shock of his audience, Dumbledore passed a silent Sirius the dress, which he took and stared at with somewhat glazed over eyes. The Headmaster then reached back into the box, and just when they thought it couldn't get any worse…

"A tiara!"

Dumbledore's joyful exclamation had the result of pulling Sirius back to the present. With a horrified expression he beheld his outfit for this play, and silently hoped that no one managed to receive a decent costume.

Sirius grimly accepted the last accessory from Dumbledore (a wand with a glittery star on the end, trailing sparkling lacy ribbons) and carried the pile back to his seat, where he dumped it on the table in utter disgust and dropped back into his chair.

Harry gave him a sympathetic smile. "Poor Siri. Don't worry, it's not that bad."

"Not. That. Bad?" Sirius asked icily through his clenched teeth. "Are you _insane_?"

With a blink, his godson nodded. "Uh, yeah. Haven't we been over this already?"

The headmaster pointedly clearing his throat cut their conversation short. The Twinkle seemed a little annoyed at them holding up the proceedings. Seeing it's menacing flash, the two men quietened immediately.

"Now. Luna, you are our Narrator. The Narrator must be dressed well. Why don't you come up here? I think I have something quite perfect."

Nervously, Luna stood up and joined the headmaster. He reaching into the box, and even though he was bending down and she couldn't see his face, she imagined that she could see the light of the Twinkle glowing at her.

Sirius, who felt that Dumbledore already had the outfits picked out in the first place and didn't care about audience participation, took a break from glaring at his own costume in order to lend Luna moral support by paying attention.

The first thing Harry noticed about Luna's costume is that it sparkled. "Ooh, pretty."

Luna actually grinned as Dumbledore passed her a silver, glittery jacket that would reach midway down her thigh. "Nice," she murmured.

Dumbledore beamed at her, as did the Twinkle. "I'm glad you like it. All I want you to do is wear it over a black top and black trousers. Oh, and you'll be needing these."

She gaped as he passed her a pair of boots; lace ups with an inch high heel that would reach half way up her calf. They were fake dragon hide, with black laces, but the part that thrilled Luna was that they were silver, and they were sparkling.

Harry stared at Luna's costume in undisguised jealousy. "I want," he murmured.

Both Draco and Blaise nodded fervently. Seamus gave a mournful sigh. "Why do I get the feeling that she's got the best costume out of the lot?"

"Probably because I undoubtedly have," Luna told him as she sat down, placing her jacket and boots on the table. "Oh, I do hope you're as lucky as me, and not as horribly embarrassed as Sirius."

Sirius was glaring at her. "I hate you."

She smiled at him. "No you don't, but if saying it makes you feel better, don't let me interfere."

In fear of the Twinkle, they fell silent after that, not daring to risk its menacing shine.

Dumbledore looked over his victims consideringly. Each one, other than Luna and Sirius, of course, watched him nervously.

"Padma, Parvati, Hannah, come and collect your costumes, please. As you're only on stage for a few seconds, you don't really need fancy costumes."

All three girls joined the headmaster at his box. He leaned down and rummaged for a few minutes, before rising and presenting each of them with an identical dress.

Hannah sighed in relief. It was a simple floor length cotton dress in a pale blue, with no sleeves. The three of them sat down, obviously pleased with the choice.

They earned themselves a death glare from Sirius, and after emitting a small squeak; they stood and moved a few chairs down the table to get further away from him.

"Justin! I'm afraid that your costume is also pre-chosen. There really wasn't much choice, given your role, so…"

Justin stood and took the robes from Dumbledore, unfolding them. They were yellow, bright yellow, and on both the back and the front the word 'Coach' was written in bold, black letters.

"You'll also need a broom, of course, but as a member of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, I daresay you already own one."

"Uh, yeah. Sure." Justin carefully backed away and bypassed his previous seat, choosing to join Padma, Parvati and Hannah further away from the now-growling Sirius.

Harry reached out and gingerly patted his godfather on the shoulder. "It'll be okay, Siri. Really." At a sceptically raised eyebrow, Harry continued. "Look, think of it this way. Seamus and Dean will probably have it worse than you, and…well, just think of the rumours that will fly around the school about me and Draco when all this is over."

Sirius seemed to calm slightly. "I suppose you're right, Harry."

"Of course I am," Harry told him. "And after all, we can get Dumbledore back for this once the play is over." A certain Evil Glint made it's way into Harry's eyes. "Oh yes, the headmaster will pay…and his little Twinkle, too!"

Dumbledore's Twinkle Twinkled, and Harry fell silent before he was allowed to use his favourite Diabolically Evil Laugh to offset his comment. He frowned in disappointment, but didn't dare defy the Twinkle.

"Tonks, if you would be so good as to join me up here, we would all appreciate it very much."

Tonks glared at Dumbledore's unnecessarily jovial tone, but nevertheless stepped up to join him. "All right, so what exactly are you planning to do to me?"

The Headmaster's cheerful grin never faded. "Well, my dear, we're setting you up in some lovely robes." He pulled the robes, a sedate, plain black, out of the box. He shook them out and they all saw that AUROR was printed on the back in large white letters. "However, these really aren't a decent colour."

Taking a deep breath, Tonks looked at her fellow cast members pleadingly. Of course, they ignored her expression.

"Now, does anyone have a suggested colour for Tonks's robes?"

"Bright orange," Sirius replied, raising an eyebrow at her. "I think it's perfect for you, Tonksy. It'll match your eyebrows."

"And part of Ron," Dean added.

As they spoke, the robes did in fact change to the most vibrant orange any of them could imagine. Tonks felt a shudder of revulsion.

"Aw, but now we can't tell what her occupation is," said an innocent looking Blaise. "You'll need to change that, too. Purple?"

The word AUROR changed to a dark purple, true to Blaise's words.

Dumbledore beamed. "Wonderful! Simply wonderful!" He handed Tonks the robes, which she accepted with her thumb and forefinger and eyed with disdain. "And perhaps, Nymphadora, you could change your hair purple to match the words."

She stared at him. "Perhaps," she replied in a sarcastic tone.

The Headmaster either didn't notice or completely ignored the sarcasm, and merely began rummaging through his box as she sat down.

Sirius leaned over to Tonks as she sat down. "Personally, my suggestion is to change your hair to clash horribly with the rest of your outfit…and if you can, with everyone appearing in the scene with you, as well."

She eyed him. "Not a bad idea, actually. And I guess since I said glittery for your costume, I really can't massacre you for the orangeness of my robes."

"How can you massacre him when there's only the one of him?" asked a curious Neville.

"I'd begin by chopping him up into many mini-Sirius's," Tonks replied.

Neville paled. "I shouldn't have asked…"

"Probably not, no," McGonagall agreed sympathetically.

Dumbledore straightened up, and his eyes went straight to his Deputy Headmistress.

She immediately regretted opening her mouth, feeling as though she had drawn his attention to her.

"How about you next, Minerva?" he 'asked'.

Her costume, to her combined relief and horror, was a rather plain dark brown floor length dress. Her main problem with it was the lace at the ends of the sleeves.

As she moved to sit back down, Dumbledore caught her elbow. "Just a moment, my dear. You certainly can't attend the Prince's ball in such attire! You need a more fetching gown for the party."

"How about something in Gryffindor red?"

Minerva shot the innocently smiling Oliver a venomous glare, one that only intensified as Albus Twinkled in delight.

"Simply marvellous idea, Mr Wood!" The aged crackpot reached into his box of torture implements and pulled out a glittery red ball gown fit for a queen…or in this case, a Head of Gryffindor House.

Sighing, Minerva took her costumes and draped them over the back of her chair before sitting down again.

Dumbledore looked to where Oliver, Fred and George were sitting and pretending not to notice his gaze. He cleared his throat.

The three still refused to acknowledge him.

"Oliver, Fred, George…I feel that it will be acceptable to costume the three of you at once."

Unable to keep up the act any longer, the three young men stood and joined the Headmaster by the Box of Eternal Suffering.

"George, as the palace chef, you must wear black trousers, a white shirt, and a chef's hat."

George accepted the trousers and shirt, and immediately felt dread as the Headmaster refused to pass him the hat.

"Now," asked the senile Twinkler. "What colour should George's hat be?"

"Bright blue," contributed Luna, gaining herself a scowl from the twin in question. She shrugged apologetically. "What? I think it will match your hair perfectly."

"Oh, I agree!" exclaimed Dumbledore.

Harry privately began to wonder if perhaps Dumbledore kept illegal substances in his lemon drops. He then decided to share these thoughts with Draco, Seamus, Blaise and Dean. All four agreed with his conclusion, as did Sirius and Luna, who had overheard.

George took his lurid blue chefs hat and sat back down, eyes on his brother and ex-captain.

Eyes Twinkling brightly, Dumbledore turned his damning attentions to Oliver. "Now, Oliver, your outfit doesn't need any contribution, as I believe it is fine as it is."

Oliver shuddered in terror as Dumbledore pulled out a set of Quidditch robes…and blinked in surprise. They were not, as he'd expected, in some eye wateringly bright shade of pink. They were, in fact, a rather tame navy blue.

He took them, sighing in relief, and joined George at the table. They both watched Fred intently.

In a study of professional anti-climactic performance, Dumbledore handed the remaining twin a pair of black (admittedly leather) trousers, a black shirt, and a black (again, leather) jacket, and sent him on his way.

Fred blinked in shock.

"Well, we can't have the driver outshining the Ugly Stepsisters and our dear Auror, now, can we?"

Nearly fainting in his relief, Fred joined his brother and Oliver, though he made sure to sit on the opposite side of them to the twitching Sirius, Tonks, Seamus and Dean.

"Blaise, Neville, would you two be so kind as to be our next models?"

Exchanging a reluctant and somewhat desperate glance, they slowly joined the Headmaster, eyeing him in consternation.

"Now! Neville, I know you only have a small part," the crazed man began.

"Thank god," Neville muttered to Blaise. Dumbledore didn't notice.

"But nevertheless, your costume is in no way any less important."

Instead of being comforted, as Dumbledore doubtlessly intended, Neville just swallowed in fear. He was handed a pair of brown jeans and a brown shirt.

Unfortunately for Neville, the Headmaster kept hold of the white apron. "White, I'm afraid, is no colour for the protective apron of a gardener. What colour shall it be?"

"Lime green," replied Seamus. "And he really needs some gloves, Professor."

Dumbledore awarded him a wide smile. "Perfect, Seamus, and you're quite right. Luckily, I have a perfect pair right here with me." The apron turned green, and Neville was presented with it and a pair of florescent pink gardening gloves.

He sat back down to see what was planned for Blaise, eyeing his gloves in faint horror.

The Slytherin turned to the Headmaster. "So, what will I be wearing?"

"For one, Blaise, you will be wearing this," he replied, handing the boy a wooden sword.

"Cool," Blaise muttered, waving it around. Sitting closest to the front, Luna and Sirius had to duck.

"Along with these," continued Dumbledore. Blaise stopped playing with the sword long enough to accept the black leather pants and the white silk shirt, but he balked in horror at the plum coloured jacket with fluffy cuffs at the ends of the sleeves and the fluffy collar. The fluffy parts, he noted absently, were the same colour pink as Neville's gloves.

Of course, Dumbledore wouldn't take no for an answer, and Blaise was soon sitting back next to Draco with his outfit, jacket included. He occupied himself with scowling at the Headmaster with malice.

Dumbledore yet again set to ferreting through his box, allowing the remaining four cast members to exchange terrified stares.

"We're going to die," Seamus murmured somewhat dazedly. "We really, really are."

Dean smacked his best friend across the back of the head. "Snap outta it, man!" he ordered.

Seamus shook himself. "Sorry 'bout that," he said sheepishly. "I think Harry's insanity really is contagious."

The boy in question patted his friend on the shoulder sympathetically. "Heh, well, it's not like I meant it to be…"

"Don't worry about it," Seamus advised. "Just as long as I'm in good company."

Harry grinned at him. "Of course. And besides, both you and Dean have the same wonderful costuming to look forward to…and I don't doubt that you'll be next."

"What makes you say that?" Draco asked him. "Why not you or me?"

"If I know the way Dumbledore's Twinkle and mind work, and I think I do, then he's going to save Draco and I, the starring roles, to the very end. God knows why, I don't see how our costumes could be any worse than Sirius's."

Draco just shrugged.

"Seamus, Dean," said a suddenly upright Dumbledore. "I believe you are next."

They exchanged one last hopeless glance with Harry and Draco, before standing to receive their agonising attire.

"Now boys, who would like to go first?"

After a fast, furious and near silent argument, a rather putout looking Dean stepped forward. "I will."

"Fabulous! I think we'll begin with your regular dress, and then move on to your outfit for the ball."

Swallowing hard, Dean nodded.

"Ladies, gentlemen, colour suggestions?"

Draco and Tonks spoke at the same time, each wanting a different colour.

Dumbledore's Twinkle seemed to quiver in delight. "Good, good. I think we can cater to both your wishes!"

He reached into the box, and moments later re-emerged with a dress, that Dean immediately realised would only reach his calves. To the waist, it was a nice, dark, almost Slytherin green, barring the purple straps. The skirt of the dress was both green and purple, and ruffled.

Draco and Tonks both looked satisfied as Dean took the garment with barely disguised revulsion.

"And what about Dean's ball gown?"

There was silence, before an apologetic sounding Seamus said, "Mauve and fluffy, Headmaster."

Dumbledore provided.

Dean took the two dresses and retook his seat, sending his best friend a rather betrayed look. Seamus just shrugged before turning to face his own doom.

"Now, everyone, we need to choose a colour for Seamus's every day dress, don't we?"

Seamus gulped.

Harry, Luna and Sirius each called out their preferred colour.

This seemed to please Dumbledore even more. "Of course, of course. No need for the three of you to worry, I think I have something in here to suit each of your choices."

He did.

Seamus stared at the pink, blue and yellow calf length monstrosity that he was sure had Dumbledore under the mistaken impression that it was a dress.

"Any ideas for his ball gown, then?"

A vengeful Dean spoke up. "Aqua and sequined, Professor."

Again, Dumbledore had an ideal candidate to conform to Dean's suggestion.

Seamus took the gowns and sat down next to Dean. The two of them turned to Harry and Draco, who were looking increasingly pale.

Dumbledore decided against a pause. "Draco, would you join me, please?"

The blond did so, nervously eyeing the Box of Doom.

It seemed that the Headmaster needed no assistance in costuming the Slytherin. He began immediately by handing him a pair of white leather pants and a white silk shirt.

Draco eyed them worriedly. Despite appearances, there was no way that his outfit could be anything but disastrous…was there?

The next item he received was a gold, glittery waistcoat, followed by an equally gold and glittery jacket. Draco's eyes were wide in shock, especially when Dumbledore concluded his item bequeathing with a pair of boots identical to Luna's, but in gold.

He carried the lot of it back to the table, where Sirius glared at him.

Harry, on the other hand, was far too busy worrying about what he was about to be costumed in to even think about being jealous of Draco's costume, which in Harry's eyes, was nearly as good as Luna's (but not silver).

Dumbledore sifted through his box once more, and then looked up. "Harry? As I'm sure you've guessed, it's your turn."

In order to calm his nerves, Harry conjured a glitter-filled balloon and popped it above his head. Draco, Luna, Sirius, Blaise, Dean and Seamus all examined the gold glitter they had suddenly gained before turning back to watch the well-glittered Harry move to Dumbledore's side.

"To begin with Harry, as Cinderella you of course wont be wearing anything spectacular," Dumbledore began, pulling out what looked like a grey sack.

Harry blinked as he accepted it and realised that it was actually a knee length dress, but it might as well have been a knee length grey sack for all the shape it had. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful for that or not.

Dumbledore continued. "And you need a simply stunning ball gown, of course. And the one I have here will match your eyes quite nicely, I believe."

Eyebrows shooting up, Harry watched as the Headmaster extracted what would be his next costume…and then he gasped.

Oh, if only it hadn't been a dress…

It was as green as Slytherin House colours, and it _glittered_. In the part of his mind that wasn't drooling over the fabric, Harry noted that were it actually on a female, it would probably be a gorgeous gown.

But Dumbledore wasn't finished. He handed Harry a glittery silver tiara, and an equally glittery silk shawl of the same silvery colour.

Harry didn't even mind that he was going to be dressed in Slytherin colours. It was as though Dumbledore knew that giving Harry a glittery costume would at the very least postpone his gory, violent death.

Regrettably, Dumbledore did not, in fact, possess this trait of self-preservation. He merely liked the colours and the glittery effect. However, he also seemed to have a death wish.

For Dumbledore was not yet finished. He handed Harry a final accessory, and effectively signed his own death warrant.

The Headmaster of Hogwarts had presented Harry with a pair of bright pink stiletto heeled shoes.

Somehow, Harry managed to suppress any and all homicidal urges towards the man and Twinkle, and seated himself beside Draco once more.

Dumbledore looked at his watch, smiled, and lifted his now empty box. "Well, that has seen us to dinner! I'll give you the rest of the night off, and I'll expect you all here bright and early tomorrow morning with costumes and scripts."

There were seventeen sighs of collective relief.

"Oh! And just before I go, there is one more costume accessory that I believe Harry, Sirius, Seamus and Dean will be needing."

With that, Dumbledore threw the bag of balloons that Remus had mentioned seeing onto the table, and exited the Great Hall, completely unaware that while Sirius, Seamus and Dean were staring after him in horror, Draco was holding Harry back from ending the Twinkle right then and there.

* * *

Whoops, I didn't mean for this fic to drop off the face of the earth, but I got half way through writing this chapter and hit a major roadblock. But I managed to get past it! Yay!

Tipsy190 – Thank you, thank you.

Silverone3 – Glitter is Good, and Siri was winged. And poor Hermione, she'd have been scarred for life if she'd been late.

ReginaLucifer – You could be right, but I'm fairly sure that the Twinkle and Dumbledore are just working together to create a world of garish colours and suffering for all. Ack, you poor thing. Insanity should be accepted and embraced by all. And I hope you enjoyed the costumes.

Kaaera – Thank you! And there were costumes, and of course, more glitter.

PotterChick958 – Yep, poor CinderHarry.

XxLullaby Of Lightxx – The Twinkle must die indeed. Yes, Dumbledore is cracked, and Ron can't be awoken this chapter. But in the next one…perhaps. And ah, balloons…(smirks)

KittenRebecca – Ah, well, Sevvie just can't help but get along with Harry on occasion…and yes, he and Nott get along brilliantly…heh heh. Oh dear, I didn't mean to have Dumbledore creeping you out…

Wren Truesong – Glad you like my insane Harry, but I don't get the top hat with the card thing….

bitterchoco – Why thank you, and Siri suffered in pink. I thought green and silver for Harry was perfect, and as I hadn't picked when I got your review…Draco only got half the red and gold suit, but I didn't want him to be matching Minnie at the ball. As for wearing the costumes daily…that's not a bad idea….hm….

Ranma Higurashi – Oh, thanks!

LoonyLoopyLisa – Meh, don't worry about it. And thanks, I'm glad it makes you laugh.

mlovektowsing – Thanks! Don't worry, I'll definitely finish this one. I agree, Harry should be more insane. That's why when I write him, he always is. Although, that might just be my own showing though, hee hee. Always good to know there are other insane people out there…glad you're enjoying this!

DeppDRACOmaniac – No, it mustn't! Okay, updating I am. Twinkle should suffer alongside writers block….

Thanks so much for the reviews, and I'm sorry it took a while for an update.

Please review!

S. Wolf


	5. Balloons, Honey and Whipped Cream

**_A Fairytale Disaster_**

_ Courtesy of SilverWolf7007_

_**Chapter Five – Balloons, Pancakes, Honey and Whipped Cream**_

Hermione and Ron arrived for dinner to find that the same members of the play's cast who had joined them for lunch were seated at Gryffindor Table again.

They were both quite confused at first, as mostly they were staring at Harry, who was being held in his seat by Draco and Blaise and had Seamus, Dean, Neville and Luna arguing with him about something.

As the two of them seated themselves and prepared to launch a bout of confused questioning, Harry seemed to relax in his seat, and the two Slytherin boys let him go - although, it didn't escape anyone's notice that Draco was still watching him carefully.

"All right," they heard Harry sigh. "I'll leave him alive…for now. But I swear, when this play is done, McGonagall can be Headmistress and Dumbledore can be cat food."

"Harry, you don't have a cat," Dean pointed out sensibly.

"No one said it had to be _my _cat eating him, Dean," Harry informed him icily. "Or even any cat. In fact, I don't think I _would _subject a poor feline to having to eat Dumbledore."

"Good idea," Neville agreed. "The bloody Twinkle would probably transfer to anything that ate him."

His fellow cast members stared in horror.

Finally, though, Sirius noticed that Ron and Hermione had joined them and looked utterly confused and worried. "How was class?" he asked, hoping to switch the subject away from Dumbledore, homicide, Twinkles and anything else that might lead to Harry killing things.

Feeling unaccountably nervous, Hermione shrugged. "It was all right. I don't think that Professor Flitwick wants to do anything much until the play is done so that no one involved misses too much."

Harry frowned. "But I thought Moony was going to tutor us?"

"Oh he is," she assured him. "But Charms isn't exactly his area of expertise, is it?"

"I guess not," he murmured, eyeing the door to the Hall.

"You're not leaving without an escort," Draco informed him.

"Damn! Would you lot quit cottoning onto my plots? How am I supposed to kill Dumbledore and his little Twinkle if you keep stopping me?"

"You're not," Neville said pointedly.

Harry pouted throughout the rest of dinner.

It was Hermione who first noticed that something on the back of Sirius's chair seemed to be glittering at her, and she mentioned it to him.

To her surprise, the man immediately began glowering at nothing in particular, and everyone seated near him edged away.

"Sirius?"

"Yes Luna?"

"You're frightening Hermione and Ronald. And, uh, everyone else, as well."

"Oh." He blinked. "Sorry."

"So…" Hermione ventured after a few minutes. "What is it?"

Sirius sighed. "My costume," he answered shortly. "I think everyone else has theirs as well. Personally, I wouldn't go asking anyone else about theirs, either. Well, maybe Luna, Draco, Oliver, Fred, the girls…theirs aren't so bad. But…" He shrugged. "Its up to you, but I wouldn't."

Later, when they left the Great Hall, it didn't escape Hermione's notice that each cast member was carrying something – but they were all trying to hide them, and she didn't dare try to see any closer.

* * *

The cast of the play unanimously decided to spend the rest of the evening in the library, where they were also joined by Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, Remus, Severus and Jason Nott.

The costumes were dropped off at respective Common Rooms or quarters beforehand. No one but the cast (and Dumbledore, of course) had laid eyes on them so far.

The moment they stepped into the library, however, Harry drew out his wand.

Seamus automatically grabbed his arm and pulled it down, while Draco, Blaise and Dean scanned the immediate vicinity for Dumbledore.

Harry rolled his eyes and tried ineffectively to free his arm from Seamus's grip. "He's not here. Idiots. I was just gonna redecorate a little to make it more comfortable in here."

Remus and Minerva exchanged a quick glance before they each grabbed one of Harry's arms, pulling him from Seamus's grasp and into the back of the library. The others followed, confused.

Sirius stepped in front of them and opened a door that had previously been blending in with the wall. Behind it was a small lounge area with an empty fireplace.

Hermione blinked in shock. "I didn't know this was here."

Severus, shocking them all, chuckled. "Neither does Irma Pince."

They all stepped inside and made themselves comfortable as Minerva used her wand to light the fire before she sat down as well.

There was nothing but silence for a long time.

Eventually, though, somebody had to break it.

"I think we should kill him now and save ourselves the embarrassment of having to go through the play at all."

Neville threw a cushion at Harry's head. "No. Nobody is killing anyone, at least until the play is over."

Harry frowned in consideration. "Does that mean I'm allowed to kill him afterwards?"

"No," Sirius told him.

"But we _can_ prank the hell out of him," Remus continued. "Or, well, you can. I don't really think it's my place."

"Oh all right," Harry sighed. "Pranking him after the play. But that doesn't mean I can't daydream about killing him."

"I think you should probably be worried," Dean informed Sirius. "If _my_ godson was daydreaming about killing his headmaster…well, I'd be worried."

"Nothing wrong with daydreaming about killing Dumbledore," Severus muttered. "I daresay the majority of people here have done it at least once."

No one disagreed.

* * *

The next morning, Harry woke before his dorm mates. Due to the lack of Ron's alarm, it was not exactly surprising that they were still asleep. It was, however, somewhat surprising that Harry was awake.

Harry had a plan.

He quickly dressed before he spent ten minutes preparing this plan.

And then he set up a few magical recording devices so he had interesting things to show their children, or at least on their twenty first birthdays, stood back and flicked his wand.

Immediately, there was chaos.

Harry grinned evilly and sucked on a sugar quill as he observed.

He had again employed the use of balloons, these ones full of honey and whipped cream. These had been followed by bright blue feathers and a few balloons full of confetti.

In short, his roommates were now very, very sticky.

It wasn't long before they stopped screaming and running around aimlessly and realised exactly who was standing by the door completely clean.

"This, my friends, is my cue to leave. Don't forget to shower before you come down!"

With that, he grabbed the bag he had his costume in, ducked out and slammed the door, placing a timed locking spell on it to delay them.

"Get back here, Potter!" he heard Neville yelling.

"Um, no? See you guys at breakfast! And don't forget your costumes!"

Happily, he almost skipped down the stairs, bypassed the girls and ran full speed to the Great Hall, where he skidded right past the Gryffindor Table and sat down between Draco and Blaise.

"Potter, you do know that you're at the Slytherin Table, don't you?" Jason Nott asked him kindly.

Harry glared, catching his breath. "Yes Nott, I do know that. But as I'm going to be in mortal danger the moment my roommates step into the room, I thought that sitting here might provide a small amount of protection."

Blaise raised an eyebrow at him, while Draco snorted.

"What did you do to them this time, Harry?" Luna asked from behind him.

Harry grinned at her as she calmly stepped onto the table to cross to the other side, where she sat beside Jason with a smile. "Just a little prank…but I don't think they appreciated it much."

"But what did you _do_?" Blaise prodded. "Come on, tell us and we'll protect you."

He rolled his eyes but quickly described the prank. "I'll show you all the recordings later on."

"Ooh, really?" Draco asked brightly. "That'll be fun…"

"Should be, yes. We can watch, and laugh, and try to forget about whatever Dumbledore does to us today."

Both the two boys and Luna winced. "We were trying to forget about that _now_, Harry," Blaise admonished.

"Sorry…"

The four of them had finished breakfast by the time the rest of the Gryffindor sixth years and Ginny arrived.

Seeing them, Harry inched closer to Draco, trying to hide behind him.

Luna waved the Gryffindors over. The girls declined and began breakfast, but the boys had spotted Harry and headed towards them.

Seamus and Dean just sighed and sat down near Luna, and began breakfast. Neville shrugged and joined them.

"Hello Ronald," Luna said with an almost devious smile. "Did you know that you have whipped cream in your ear?"

Ron's magenta eyebrow twitched.

Harry gave him a hopeful smile. "I promise not to do it again tomorrow?"

Ron threw his hands up in the air in defeat, rolled his eyes and laughed. "Harry, I've known you for six years now. I think I should be used to being pranked of a morning. And I am. So I've decided against killing you."

"That's wonderful!" Luna exclaimed. "Because I think Dumbledore would make _you_ play Cinderella if you killed the lead in the play!"

"Wouldn't surprise me," Ron agreed. "Anyway, good luck with the acting and all, but I've got breakfast to eat before Hermione drags me off to History. See you."

Harry watched him walk away, relieved. "Nice to know I get to live through breakfast."

"Isn't it, though?" Draco murmured. His eyes wandered up the table and he smirked. "Excuse me a moment." He stood and left.

A few minutes later he returned with two plates with pancakes, honey and whipped cream. "Want some?"

"Ooh, yes please!" Draco handed him a plate, which Harry then pushed into the middle of the table.

Dean, Neville and Seamus were looking resigned, but confused as Harry pushed the food away from himself.

All confusion cleared a moment later when Luna began helping herself to the pancakes.

"There's enough here for both of us," Harry explained with a shrug, digging into the other side.

Draco laughed and offered his own plate to Blaise, who rolled his eyes and declined.

And so, the rest of breakfast passed without anything of interest occurring. This was a relief to everybody, as they'd pretty much had their fill of interesting occurrences.

Unfortunately, the peace was not to last.

Eventually, Hermione realised that the majority of students had once again left before she realised the time, and she immediately grabbed Ron and Lavender and began dragging them to class, despite Ron's complaints of "it's not like Binns would notice if we were late anyway!"

Jason and Pansy bid them a quick farewell before heading off themselves.

Parvati, Padma, Justin and Hannah headed over from their own tables and sat down, sighing.

Sirius, Oliver, Fred, George and Tonks arrived next, and were surprised at the seating arrangements.

"We're crashing on the Slytherins, now?" Tonks asked, amused.

Harry grinned at her. "Absolutely! I mean, it's so fun. And they crashed our table yesterday…I figure tomorrow we can take over at Ravenclaw, and then the day after at Hufflepuff…ooh, and the day after _that_ we should sit with the staff."

Dumbledore and Minerva joined them, the Headmaster beaming and his Deputy seemingly in horrified shock.

Minerva sat down quickly; placing her own costume bag on the table in front of her seconds after the breakfast things disappeared.

Twinkling warmly, Dumbledore stood before them. "Now, this morning I believe we should start with the dress rehearsals."

Sixteen amateur actors shuddered.

The seventeenth just popped several glitter balloons over the lot of them.

There was silence.

"Harry," Seamus said finally. "Are you feeling all right?"

The teen in question shrugged. "I guess. Why?"

No one answered. They were too busy eyeing the pink glitter they'd just been covered in.

Dumbledore was the first to recover, as he didn't actually understand the significance of Harry covering them in pink glitter (Harry had issues with the colour pink).

"Now, if you'd all stand up…" They did so, each holding the bags with their costumes in them. "Very good. Now…"

The Headmaster waved his wand.

All five tables in the room vanished. At the front of the Hall, a stage (complete with dark red velvet curtains and, presumably, a backstage area) had appeared; while the rest of the Hall was taken up by comfortable looking couches facing it.

"Behind the stage there are two dressing rooms, one for the gentlemen and one for the ladies. Now, if you all wouldn't mind going back there and changing into your costumes…?"

They went.

* * *

Twenty minutes, several ruined balloons, four soaked costumes and eleven frustrated males later, Harry gave in and knocked on the girls' dressing room. "Luna? Tonks? Minerva? Hannah? Parvati? Padma? Are you all decent?"

The door opened and Tonks looked out. "Yes, why? Uh, Harry? You're all…"

He sighed. "Wet, I know. Look, we could really use a hand. These balloons are being…difficult."

There were a few snickers from inside the room, but Luna, Tonks and Minerva all followed him back to the other room. Sirius, Dean and Seamus, it seemed, had kicked the other males out for some reason.

Harry turned to Draco. "You're out here. Why are you out here? And you're wet…"

The blond rolled his eyes. "Sirius got a little…annoyed. And kicked us all out. Blaise and I didn't want to leave. So he threw the balloon he had in his hand at me. Bastard."

Patting him sympathetically on the shoulder, Harry grabbed Luna and then pulled her inside, leaving an amused Draco watching after them. Tonks followed them in, but Minerva paused long enough to cast a drying charm over Draco and Blaise.

Inside, Seamus and Dean were standing against the wall, while on the other side of the room Sirius was trying to fill one of the remaining balloons with his wand.

As its predecessors had, it somehow began to overflow before stretching. Sirius threw it onto the floor, swearing loudly.

"Black! Language!"

Sirius jumped at hearing Minerva's voice. "Sorry Minnie. Think you can fix this for us?"

She looked unsure, as did Tonks.

Luna, on the other hand, rolled her eyes and turned to Harry. "You can conjure balloons full of honey, glitter, dye and whipped cream to drop on your friends, but you can't conjure a few fairly even small balloons full of water? Or even whipped cream would do."

Harry blinked. "Oh. I didn't think of that…"

"_Males_," she sighed in exasperation. "I'm about ready to give up on you all."

It didn't take long to fix the balloon problem after that. Somehow four bras had ended up in the dressing room, and as such, their costumes were completed.

Each member of the cast was now fully in their non-ball costumes, and they warily headed out to face their director.

Dumbledore was obviously overjoyed to see them fully costumed. The Twinkle was too. It was twinkling with a vibrancy not yet seen, sending the entire cast into speechlessness from utter terror.

Not perceiving his cast's uncharacteristic silence, the Headmaster began to outline their plan for the day. "Today we are going to begin with a random scene of my choosing and act it out. We shall continue in this vein until lunch, at which point the Great Hall will, of course, right itself for the meal. Afterwards we shall have a first run-through of the entire script, including the costume changes for the ball. Then dinner, and then we shall return to practicing."

Once they had recovered from the Twinkle, the news sank in. They would be acting for the entire day.

Before they could protest, or anything, Dumbledore opened his script, motioning everyone else to do the same. "Ah yes. Now, Luna, Harry, Minerva, Seamus, Dean, Neville…please take to the stage. Everyone else, take a seat. We're going to begin with Scene Three."

* * *

Well, that was fun.

LoonyLoopyLisa – Thanks heaps!

Shakespeares Whore – Glad you're having fun with it. And I have no idea where the ideas come from. Really. Not a clue. But heh, thanks.

ReginaLucifer – Good point. Dumbles IS kinda necessary in this…and his little Twinkle. But they'll get what's coming to them after the play is done…

Morei Sky – Thanks, glad you like!

Siiarrei – Heh, thank you.

Salazire – Oh yes, the Twinkle has gotten them well under control. I didn't think of the trouble many mini-Sirius' could cause, but you're right, Tonks should definitely not do that. I don't actually know what illegal substances are in Dumbledore's lemon drops…but I probably don't want to! Heh. Draco's costume being like Elvis and Goldmember…geez that IS scary! Bad mental images there…And Draco just didn't want Harry to get sent to Azkaban for killing Dumbles. And the Twinkle, of course. Yep, bogeyman is definitely nicer than Dumbles, I agree! Sorry the Twinkle scared you…

DeppDRACOmaniac – Very very down. And yep, Draco will be…

bored miko – Glad you like. I too like Harry being homicidal, and I don't mind reading angst, but I probably couldn't write it. Humour is just so much more fun.

Silverone3 – I want Luna's outfit too….

arynna – Glad you liked. The Twinkle just came along on its own, with an evil plan. As for Harry's insanity….long story.

Ranma Higurashi – Thanks!

Sapphire Dragons – Eh, well, I tried…

Kurai Shinigami – Sirius's almost gives me nightmares, though Harry's I'm actually rather fond of. Though not the shoes. Draco's is good, Luna's I want. There might be a little bit of slashyness, but I haven't decided yet and it wouldn't be much anyway.

lisa – Glad you like it! Oops about waking your dad though…Thanks anyway. As for authors…definitely try nonjon's stuff, cos he's brilliant. Um…Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf. That's one author's name, by the way. There are many, many others, but none I can think of right now. I suggest you check my faves list and my C2, as I know there's a lot in those…

goddessa39 – Well, Ginny's just not in this one much, I'm afraid.

Lady Rebecca of the Night Walkers and Element Holders – Glad you like the dresses, and I'm thrilled you liked my happy flag. I made one back just before last Christmas. Didn't work too well, as I used cardboard…I'll have to try cloth next time.

Thanks again for the reviews, everyone!

Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Do tell me what you think!

_S. Wolf_


	6. Final Preparations

**A Fairytale Disaster**

_Courtesy of SilverWolf7007_

_**Chapter Six – Final Preparations**_

Seven weeks had passed.

The students and staff of Hogwarts, not to mention the general public of wizarding Britain, were eagerly anticipating the opening night of the Hogwarts' play (though the title of said play was still being kept secret).

The cast of said play, however, were far more reluctant, and most inhabitants of Hogwarts had taken to avoiding them at all costs. Colin Creevey, who had not been as cautious when attempting to photograph during a rehearsal, was still in the Hospital Wing two weeks later.

Dumbledore had been disapproving, but Harry had not received any punishment.

After the first week, Dumbledore had arranged for them all to share a suite of rooms in the guest quarters of the castle. If nothing else, this saved Ron from an awful lot of pranks.

However, there was now only one day until the premiere performance of the play.

This meant, of course, that the cast were in a foul mood.

* * *

The morning began quietly.

Harry, who was now sharing a room with Draco, Blaise and Seamus, was the first to wake.

He decided to leave his roommates alone, for once, and instead made his way into the room next to theirs, which was being shared by Neville, Justin and Dean.

With a smirk, he cast a few quick time-based spells before ducking out again and heading for the next room and his last targets.

Having also decided not to target the females today, he stepped carefully into the room Sirius was sharing with Oliver, Fred and George.

This was the tricky part.

He was about to pull a prank over three of the most noteworthy pranksters to ever grace the halls of Hogwarts, not to mention ex-Quidditch captain who he knew was liable to yell himself hoarse before beating him to death with a broom.

Silently, he cast his spells.

No one woke.

Harry watched in silence for several minutes before setting up his recording charms and dashing for cover.

Moments later he was back in Neville, Dean and Justin's dorm and setting up the forgotten recording charms in there.

Again, he left hastily, going back to his own room.

It was peaceful.

Harry woke the suspicious Draco by shaking his shoulder. After informing the blond of who he had chosen to prank, he went to wake Seamus.

Draco quickly woke Blaise and explained to him, while Harry ended up being tackled to the ground.

"Ow! Seamus! Get off!"

Sheepishly he did so, but he still had his wand drawn and aimed at his friend. "Har, it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that I've shared a dorm with you for five and a half years now."

Harry shrugged. "Its fine, I don't blame you. But just so you know, the pranks aren't on our dorm this morning."

Seamus grinned suddenly. "In that case, I'm going to get dressed. Don't want to miss the show, after all."

The other three followed suit.

* * *

Someone was screaming. That was the first thing that registered in Minerva's mind as she awoke.

The second was that it was not simply a wordless scream, and that there were in fact seven or so voices involved.

And those voices were cursing Harry.

This was not an unusual occurrence, of course, so she rolled over, planning to go back to sleep.

That is, until she recognised three of the voices.

If anyone had dared to mention how fast she moved for a 'lady of her age', she would have felt quite justified in murdering them. However, everyone was far to focussed on the fact that someone, presumably Harry, had just managed to pull a prank over Sirius Black and Fred 'n' George Weasley.

Of course, the first prank victims she saw were the boys from the third dorm. Justin was sporting a bright pink elephant's trunk, ears and tail, Neville appeared to have become part tree, and Dean…

Dean was being carried around in a jar in Neville's branch – er, hand. He was, at a vague estimate, six inches tall. Not to mention his mouse whiskers and tail.

Minerva stared at them for several moments before hurrying further forward, dying to know what Harry had done to the others.

* * *

Sirius was plotting death, and for once his intended victim was neither Wormtail nor Dumbledore.

Harry needed to die. This was a view shared by Fred, George, Oliver, Neville, Dean and Justin.

Of course, there was one little hitch in Sirius's plan to kill his godson – he had a current inability to move according to his own wishes. He had been subject to the whims of an insane Gryffindor.

Not only was he entrapped in the sorry excuse for a dress he would have to wear in front of thousands of people the following night, but he had the tail, ears, nose and paws of his Animagus form. He was also wearing a studded leather collar, which had a leash attached to it. Across his back was a sign professing him to be Flint's Bitch.

Oliver, who appeared to be a clone of Marcus Flint wearing tight pink leather pants with a purple padded bra and green stilettos, had the other end of the leash attached to his hand.

George had, for a reason that became apparent moments later, been turned into a large glass of milk. His lower legs were still visible at the bottom, his arms poked out the sides, and his face could be seen glaring at the door to Harry's room through a thin layer of milk.

As for Fred…

Harry, showing great bravery, poked his head out of his room (where he had been hiding since Oliver had begun threatening his access to glitter) and sent Fred a smirk. "Run, run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the GingerFred man!"

Fred attempted to leap at Harry, who ducked back and slammed the door, laughing.

For a few moments, there was silence.

Luna was the only one who dared to break it. "GingerFred, your gumdrop buttons appear to be falling off."

* * *

For the first time, Harry had decided to have the cast crash the staff table.

This probably would have worked better for him if he hadn't been running from almost half of them in fear for his life and glitter.

Nevertheless, he arrived in the Great Hall with Draco, Blaise, Seamus and Luna in tow, while Minerva, Tonks, Hannah, Padma and Parvati attempted to aid the other seven with their de-pranking and anger management.

Harry headed straight for the Staff Table, where he immediately dropped down beside Severus, who turned and raised an eyebrow at him. "Potter, aren't you a little lost?"

The Gryffindor beamed at him. "Not at all, my dear Professor. I am in fact completely and utterly aware of my current location."

Draco leaned around Harry to shrug and grin at his Head of House. "This really means that he's attempting to settle his nerves by annoying anyone and everyone he can. Including, of course, the staff."

"You should have seen what he did to the others," Seamus snickered.

Remus's eyes widened in horror. "Don't tell me you pranked _Minnie_!"

Harry snorted. "Even _I'm_ not that insane. No, I just turned Nev into a tree, Dean into a part mouse, part Tom Thumb, Justin is part pink elephant…"

"Sirius is Flint's Bitch," Blaise continued, "Oliver is Flint in drag, George is a glass of milk, and Fred…"

"Is GingerFred," Luna finished with a vague smile. "His gumdrop buttons keep falling off. It is really quite amusing." Her smile turned into a somewhat confused frown. "I don't understand why he seemed to become so upset when I offered to find some icing to stick them back on with, though."

Both men were staring at the five students in utter shock.

This lasted until the remaining cast entered the Hall and they were able to witness the majority of the costumes for themselves.

Sirius and Dean were the lucky ones who were back to their (relatively) normal selves. The others weren't quite so lucky.

Oliver stalked up to the table, stood across from Harry, and treated him to a very grave look. "I'm very unhappy with you, Harry."

Harry hung his head. "I'm sorry, Oliver. It's just the stress of this play and everything…"

The ex-Gryffindor held up a hand, halting Harry's speech. "Look, I can forgive you easily. Even for making me look like Flint." Harry stared at him in disbelief. "GingerFred makes up for it all."

Fred's icing-eye twitched.

* * *

Breakfast ended. So did the spells Harry had left on his friends.

Dumbledore switched the Hall from dining room to theatre and sent his cast backstage to change for their last dress rehearsal.

When they eventually emerged, he Twinkled proudly. "All right everyone. We're going to go over Scene Three again, and try to work the last little kinks out. Luna, Harry, Minerva, Seamus, Dean, Neville, if you wouldn't mind…"

Reluctantly, they stepped onto the stage and took their places. The others took seats and prepared to act as an audience.

When Dumbledore gave the nod, Luna lifted her large black leather, silver titled makeshift storybook that held a copy of the script inside, gave a sigh, and began to narrate.

"Cinderella was unhappy with her lifestyle. Being in the same family as two overgrown garden gnomes caused her great discomfort."

Minerva, Dean, Seamus and Neville were seated at a table, eating toast. Harry stepped onto the stage, wearing his lovely grey sack. He turned to Minerva. "Hey Mum, could I have some breakfast?"

"Don't you think you're being a bit unreasonable?"

Harry nodded. "Yes, sorry. How about something to chew on?"

Seamus sneered at him. "Why don't you try your leg?"

Everyone else at the table laughed. Harry sighed.

As Neville opened his mouth to say his first line, there was a knock on the door to the Great Hall.

Dumbledore frowned, but moved to answer it. Severus spoke to him for a few moments, attempting to catch a glimpse of the cast inside (and failing).

The Headmaster returned to his curious actors. "I'm afraid the Minister has arrived to discuss some important matters with me. I trust you can rehearse on your own until lunch?"

They all answered in the affirmative and watched him leave.

The moment he locked the door behind him and closed it, effectively locking himself and everyone else out, they raced for the change rooms.

* * *

They spent the rest of the day playing what they liked to refer to as 'hiding from Dumbles and not in any way, shape or form rehearsing for this damned play'. They even skipped lunch.

When they tentatively entered the Hall for dinner, they half expected the Headmaster to chastise them for skipping out on their last full day of rehearsal.

Instead, the crazy old man and his senile Twinkle allowed them to take their seats at the Slytherin Table before standing up and drawing the attention of the students to himself.

"I have a _really_ bad feeling about this," Harry muttered. Draco just nodded in resignation.

"Students, please allow me a few moments of your time. I wish to extend a formal invitation to you all. This time tomorrow, we will be setting up for the premiere of our very own play, and I wish for you all to attend and support our cast."

"I feel a Twinkle coming on," Neville sighed mournfully.

True to Neville's prediction, Dumbledore treated the entire Great Hall to a particularly blinking Twinkle. "Our actors and actresses have worked very hard over the past seven weeks to prepare this entertainment for the wizarding world, so let us show our appreciation!" With this, he began to clap, inducing applause from his students. The Twinkle tried to take over the Hall.

Harry allowed for the applause to die down and for the Twinkle to fade in its intensity somewhat before he gestured for his fellow cast to follow him.

They did so, as did Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, Remus, Severus and Jason.

Eventually they ended up in the room at the back of the library again, which had become their sanctuary and hangout since the first time.

Silence reigned.

Jason lit the fire.

There was even more silence.

"You know, if we kill him now, we won't have to go through with the play tomorrow night."

Harry pouted at Dean. "I wanted to say that!"

"Get over it."

"No."

"Fine."

"Whatever."

"Boys," Hermione sighed. "You can't kill the Headmaster. You have to go through with it."

"Besides, we want to see it," Ginny pointed out. There were several agreeing nods from the non-cast.

"I hate you all," Luna stated, smiling at the fire.

"I'm sending you all to bed now," Remus told the cast. "You all need your beauty sleep."

Draco winced and avoided looking at Seamus and Dean, for some reason.

Severus eyed them. "Bed. Now. Before you lose what little sense you have left."

The cast trickled out of the library and to their quarters.

Remus looked around at the students in the room. "You should probably head to bed as well."

Lavender raised an eyebrow. "Today was the last day of classes, as I'm sure you know. We can actually sleep in tomorrow, which negates a cause for an early night."

"Oh yeah," he muttered sheepishly. "Heh, I think I'm getting tired myself…ah well. Goodnight all."

They watched him leave.

Severus sighed and stood also. "Try not to stay out too late."

Theodore followed him out, giving the Gryffindors a quick wave.

The four of them glanced at each other for a few moments before quickly heading back to Gryffindor Tower.

After all, it was entirely likely that someone would be pranked tomorrow morning, and they didn't want to miss it.

* * *

This chapter took forever to get finished, but it finally, finally is!

Kurai Shinigami – When I started the chapter (for the third time) several weeks forward, I wasn't planning to put Scene Three in at all. I'm glad I did though, since you had your beanie-bag chair and popcorn all ready. Heh.

hi – Thanks, glad you liked!

Shinigami – Hm, well I didn't put Neville in a dress because I'd already decided on Seamus and Dean. That's about all the reason I have.

Almara – Oh yeah, he's definitely going down. I like the attitude of your minions, but Harry has claimed vengeance against the Twinkle and Headmaster for himself, and damn but that boy is possessive!

kate – Thank you!

Okay, if anyone else didn't get a reply with the review reply thing, then feel free to slap me. Gently, though! Seriously, I'm fairly sure I got everyone, but a few said I'd already replied, which I cant remember doing but may have done back when I first posted the last chapter.

Anyway, shutting up now. I hope you enjoyed!

Next Chapter: **_Chapter Seven - From Absence to Stage Fright to Oh My God!_**

Please review.

_S. Wolf_


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